Harp lager. Booze fart in heaven.
Lager be thy name.
My drunken bum.
There will be fun.
In the pub at half past seven.
Give us this day our drunken spread.
And a look at some ladies ass’s.
As we headbutt those that steal our glasses.
And lead us into drug experimentation.
And deliver us from sobriety.
Amen.

You carried me for nine months.
Your little bundle of joy.
A mother’s love from day to day.
And you loved me anyway.

And then through my teenage years,
As I made you shed so many tears.
Teachers said I was nobody’s fool.
As I bounced through three secondary schools.
A mothers love that did not sway.
And you loved me anyway.

And as my behaviour became stranger,
Even putting my life in danger.
And you were the one who came and got me out.
After the first time the cops dragged me away.
For you loved me anyway.

What a shock it must of been.
Full on nightmare as opposed to a mothers dream.
Your only son thinking he was inter-solar.
As the doctors diagnosed Bi-polar.
The constant reminder day to day,
That you love me anyway.

This is a house party and we were having fun.
Dancing, talking and listening to the stereo.
But you had to take the guitar from out of your bum.
Now everyone has to be quiet.
As you monopolise the night.
What a selfish thing to do.
For just one night cant we take a pass.
Why can’t you stick your acoustic guitar up your ass.

Upon waking this morning, without warning,
I felt the need to hide.
For nobody understands.
I woke up one more time,
With the universe in my hands.

An immensely difficult secret I try to keep.
Walking around town,
Seems everyone’s asleep.
The world is full of shit that I can’t stand.
As I sit here writing about the unwanted universe in my hand.

Signed in against my will.
Prescribed but refused the pill.
Quite a bad day I reflected.
Untill I was held down and injected.

First time committed was quite a shock.
First time the wrong side of a heavy duty lock.
My condition was not one that I suspected.
Again however, held down and injected.

Lost respect for the world that night.
Brutalised, fighting a one way fight.
These futile years that I objected.
And now, resigned, life much unexpected.

When I win the lottery,
Gonna buy myself a shed.
All the friends I’ve ever met,
At the party in my head.

Dancing and reminiscing fine times,
Those that do snorting lines.
Getting high and smoking green,
Best party ever seen.

Five continents of feeling fine,
Meeting people is so sublime.
Mixing grape with the grain.
Hope to meet them all again.

Be quiet everyone, slow down.
Have a good look around.
Turn everything down.
Appreciate what you have.
And listen to the silence.

Aaagh for fucks sake,
Give me a fucking break.
Someone call nine, nine, nine.
Just spotted something far from fine.
Its poking out of my smalls.
A mockery to my balls.
Might just count to ten.
Might buy some Just for Men.
Its after giving me an awful scare.
Its my first grey pubic hair.

Enjoy, embrace, suck it all in.
Let the experience of enjoyment truly begin.
Wear yourself a fuck off grin.
Breathe out, then breathe in.
Relax, slow down, then let it out.
Your inner soul lets out a shout,
What the fuck am I doing here?
Doing here without any beer.

Everywhere I look
Everything I touch
Every emotion I feel
All of it, including my fear
Everything that exists passes through here.