There is only one left
Possibly now understaffed
Relying on poetry and comedy as his craft
The only one in the county
Like a novel by Emily Brontë
Shall seek further writings as my bounty
Born in the North and proud of my rich heritage
Trying to pass on my mesage
In a common language
Big plans ahead
Still alive not dead
Want my material to be read
I’m the only Mallaghan in Offaly
I take the job seriously
My brain is awake I am recently awoken
I am the last of the Offaly Mallaghan Mohicans

Don’t wanna know about war
Don’t wanna know about famine
Don’t wanna know about greed
I want to know what people need
Don’t wanna know about corruption
Don’t wanna know about the homeless
Don’t wanna know about addiction
I want to know about fact as opposed to fiction
Don’t wanna know about Trump
Don’t wanna know about American foreign policy
Don’t wanna know about inhumanity
I want a clear picture as opposed to the obvious insanity
Don’t wanna know about the false gods above
Don’t wanna know about evil, I just wanna know about love

Ah Liam
Ah Come on
Say you were drunk or out of your head
Don’t go down the racist road
Ya big eejit
Say you were on the piss
Say you had PTSD after Schindler’s List
Don’t be committing verbal sins
You had a great role in Batman Begins
You were even in Star Wars man
Retract what you said and stick to the plan
Just blame it on the dialogue in TaKKKen
Apologize and admit you were mistaken

Can I have a packet of Nurofen Plus please?
12 or 24?
24 please
Are you on any other medication?
No
Where is the source of pain?
In my lower back
Are you aware to only use for 3 days maximum?
I am
Are you aware the product contains codeine?
Yes I am
Are you at the moment worshipping Satan as your true and only God?
Funnily enough no.how many more fucking questions are you going to ask before you give me the fucking tablets?

Shishir so near
100 metres from my house
Lads don’t worry or hurry
With the flavors and spices in my curry
It’s always good
Indian and Thai restaurant
I give it a high five
Order any chicken, lamb or beef dish of your choice for €9.95
Assad and his team are all sound
As are the management and staff of Cafe India and Yaadgar
They come from India, Pakistan, Bangledesh, Nepal, and Sri Lanka
And I wanna thank ya
For bringing your food and culture to Tullamore

I have met a lot of assholes in my life
However meeting you was a new low
All you had to do was say not tonight lads
There are ways of doing things
But no
You tried to goad me into a fight
You insulted me
You look and acted like you were on something
And the thing is the Bus Bar is a fucking dump
I was just there to say Happy Birthday to someone
Lucky for you to afford to make enemies so quick
I shall dance on your fucking grave

Larry
Sir to many
Teacher of 6th class and then principle
Of Ballinamere National School
A visionary, a gentleman, a rock star
Supported boys and girls sports
In against the wire
With many a Wyer
But the reason I am writing this
Just so it won’t go amiss
In 1986
He encouraged me to write my first poem
And my first play
He got me to think outside the box
A very humble man I have found
I owe him a lot
He encouraged an interest in the arts in me and many others
Have never looked back
Thank you Sir

9698 people registered homeless this year
Many sleeping in doorways
We can do better
392 recorded suicides in 2017
80% of them men
We can do better
Rents rising 6 times faster than the European average
Leading to the emergence of the working poor
We can do better
American military using Shannon to refuel on their way to spread the “American Dream” on some other unsuspecting country
We can do better
We and future generations of other Irish people are paying for the fraudulent practices of the banks
We can do better
Recreational and medicinal marijuana illegal
We can do better
Leo Varadkar and Fine Gael in government
We can definitely do better

Pass me the microphone
For I have something to say
I was born in the North
For what its worth
Should have done better in school
Still I’m nobody’s fool
Never knew what I wanted to be
Career guidance was lost on me
Find it difficult to watch the news
Mans inhumanity to man gives me the blues
Been blessed with good family and friends
Made a lot of mistakes but I’m making amends
I have found I have a certain modus operandi
And I’m glad I have found solace in poetry and comedy
I don’t know where I am going
And I have forgotten many of the places I have been
I put pen to paper whenever I can
For when I write troubles disappear
And as I sit here all alone
I dream of the next time someone passes me a microphone

The pub where I first got served has closed
I don’t know the basis
For closing this oasis
Josie served me my first drink
And its mad now to think
That its gone
I learned how to play and cheat well at cards
These words are meant with kind regards
I drank there when I was skipping school
I was there listening to DJ Kool
Sometimes I drank more than I was able
Sometimes I won a few quid at the pool table
I was there the night Rodge and Ned got barred
I laughed, I laughed hard
Met new people
And now its over
The pub where I was always welcome
Just a heartfelt Manor requiem