The cow and the sheep

After many years of sharing the same field,
An inter-species love began to yield.
From running in the grass and enjoying a joke,
To scratching their hides and learning to smoke.
A proper relationship with passionate feelings befriended,
What happened in the bushes was not what God intended.
Their best friends knew, the chicken and the horse,
Of this forbidden union, they said nothing of course.
Then the pig found out and raised the alarm,
And squeeled to the man who was running the farm.
Cow and sheep were butchered to alleviate the shame,
Chicken and horse knew the pig was to blame.
Then late one night, when the animals were in bed,
They put on balaclavas and sneaked into the shed,
And took turns firing bullets into his head

My Manifesto

Fuck Ideology
Fuck all terminology
Fuck matching socks
Fuck a country up on cement blocks
Fuck racism
Fuck elitism
Fuck long tem unemployment
Fuck all empty sentiment
Fuck the future
Fuck the past
Fuck timeframes cause they won’t last
Fuck your enemy
Fuck off monogomy
Fuck all the homophobes
Fuck you fucking xenophobes
Fuck the middle class
Fuck you cause you suck ass
Fuck off people that look down their nose
Fuck off I suppose
Fuck off censorship
Fuck you I shoot from the hip
Fuck off Simon Cowell
Fuck you for making music unwell
Fuck you G8
Fuck off for the hate you create
Fuck you United Nations
Fuck you as you divide ill-gotten rations

Fuck you American foreign policy
Fuck you is part of my philosophy
Isn’t it swell? Well?
Fuck it, Fuck me aswell.

The Mally effect

I am going to save the world
I am the savior for cancer
I am the answer
I’m already drunk and totally steady
I have the powers of a Jedi
I have been diagnosed insane
I have a high powered brain
I am extremely good looking
I can roll up a joint
I can make a point
I don’t fight when I’m drunk
I wear adidas footwear
I am possibly hard to bear
I have cooked up ketamine
I have committed many sins
I am not consumed by greed
I cannot afford 2 grams of weed
I believe in what I write
I do not give a shite
I am sorry for who I am
I am sorry for it is a sham
I hope that you give a shite
I hope everyone’s alright
I worry about my poems reception
I believe that it is better to wash yourself of all perception
I speak English with an Irish dialect
This is the Mally effect


Bridge House carvery dinner

Bridge House carvery dinner
I fucking love you
Bridge House carvery dinner
I really love you motherfucker

I fucking hope you do not stray
Please don’t fuck off far away
I lick the gravy off the tray

Bridge House motherfucking carvery dinner
You make me feel like such a winner

Wednesday is my fucking dole day
I fucking idolize that rich fuck Christy May
He may be gone but the foods still top notch
I’d eat it out of an old man’s crotch

I’m talking about you Bridge motherfucking House carvery dinner
Of course I want 4 types of spuds
I want roast, I want chips, I want mash
Garlic spuds? Just a splash
You can always find a place to sit
Best jacks in Tullamore if you need a shit

Bridge fucking motherfucking House carvery dinner
I fucking love you
I really do
I frequent and haunt
I’m the local carvery savant
Your always worth a jaunt
It doesn’t matter that I cannot afford the beef
Give me the fucking vol au vent