Let people in Tell them how you feel Enjoy relationships with other people But keep a little bit for yourself

Watching every hour pass on the clock

Lying down as usual taking stock

No sleep tonight is the fear

In this bed just sitting here

Have tried everything to fall asleep

I dream of a sleep so deep

Take zimovan, olanzapine and valium

But here lies the tedium

Over years of medication I’ve become immune

As each night becomes another afternoon

Sometimes I get stuff done

Sometimes I just sit there all alone

It’s quieter at night

Darkness envelops with the absence of light

It’s at night that an idea could spark

And over the years I have grown to love the dark

And even though at night it does attack

I’ve left behind being a dipsomaniac

And have managed to keep things on track

Just the meanderings of an insomniac

Lean on your family

Lean on your friends

Reach out to your GP

Reach out to a therapist

Reach out to the samaritans

Shorterm use of valium and xanax

Be wary of anti-depressants

Live in the moment

Add up the positive things in your life

This too shall past I promise you

I’ve been at the bottom of emotions

You are stronger than you think

The human spirit wants to live and live well

It’s OK to feel shit

And even the simplist things you can do can help

The madness is over

The tortured soul is at rest

No more demons to battle

Possible undiagnosed mental illness

Addiction

Takes everything

Your job

Your relationships with people

Your family

Your self respect

And you end up in a box

At a funeral that wasn’t sad

Part of the illness is that you don’t know you’re sick

When the squad car calls up you better be quick

Your first instinct is to run, get away

Your looking at an institutional long term stay

Be ready for climbing out windows and scuttling down drainpipes

For in the middle of a bipolar episode you feel like the fucking prototype

Sent here to save the planet

Striking across the night sky like a comet

Crazy ideas and huge mood swings

It’s hard to explain being manic and what each day brings

Spent 2 years in secure mental institutions

Basically for my own protection

Escaped from two high secure wards

Skipped the country and moved abroad

But my illness followed me like the Gardai

Through drug abuse I had voided my sanity warranty

10 years since I was last sectioned

Found myself the right direction

But that fear is always there

The constant reminder day to day

It’s not paranoia when they turn up to take you away

Born in 74 in Craigavon, Portadown

Due to the troubles my family got out of town

Ended up in Tullamore

Nice part of the country to explore

Started rhyming in primary school in 86

12 years old getting that rhyming fix

It’s like there is a voice inside my head

Keep writing until the rhyming hunger is fed

47 this year but still feel in my twenties

Performance wise I’m adaptable

Comedy clubs, poetry readings and festivals, I’m capable

Don’t take myself too seriously, life is just a ride

From time to time I’v let it slide

But I recover quickly, and in some ways have become my own doctor

Though I’ll always wonder what life would have been like

Had my family stayed in Northern Ireland

Brought up near my aunts, uncles and cousins

Have always felt I’m living on the periphery of my family

How different would I be

I might have different opinions

I’d have a northern accent

Possibly 100% content

However this was not to be my destiny

Of which there is no mutiny

And I’ve given this much scrutiny

Only 47, still got plenty of time to go roaming

No time for moaning

The adoptive Midlands are my homeland now

And thanks to the Republic this is allowed

Nothing like a proper DJ set

People embody together

The happiness like fire spreads

It’s like everyone knows

We are starring in a live music show

I have that quickness once again

The ecstasy is now controlling body and brain

A state of overwhelming emotion and rapturous delight

Been to many events and I’ve never seen buzzers fight

Dancing in unison, all as one

The techno has just begun

Gleaming bodies begin to flow

Dancing with strangers and mates I know

The sensual vibration moves

Crowded areas, happy faces and fancy grooves

The body and blood begins to rise

Been here before but it still has the power to surprise

Progressive beats and massive bass drops

Everybody wishing the night doesn’t stop

This isn’t a cheesy discotheque

This is a techno music 150 bpm sound trek

All thanks to the wizard on the decks

20 stone

Addicted to painkillers and cocaine

Relationship controversies

4 marriages ended with divorce

Current wife filing for one

A grotesque caricature of his sleek energetic former self

But the crowds keep turning up

Oblivious that this could be the night he checks out permanently

Fans were becoming increasingly voluble about their disappointment

Unaware of the amounts of pills and powder Vegas Mally was consuming

His face was framed in a helmet of dyed black hair from which sweat sheets down over pale swollen cheeks

One more performance Vegas Mally.

Just one more.

How does it feel when no one understands?

Or life doesn’t meet your demands?

So with simple words I try to knit

Something descriptive that has a soft glow or sheen to it

Just sitting on this rock killing time

Trying to make the lines rhyme

Simple words on a blank page

I find myself calm but also feel the rage

Always original I never steal

Simply writing down how I feel

Arrive at the event

Join the queue

Check out the security and the searches they are making

You hear the beats

Outside it’s cold but inside it’s baking

Check out the chill out area

Then into the main room

You immediately recognize the tune

Nice crowd here

Very few drinking beer

The first pill you took is kicking in

And the beats intensify

A warm glowing sensation as you dance

Your inhibitions are down

You are shaking hands and hugging strangers

And the beats intensify

You want the night to last forever

There is no when, what or why

They just intensify

Only the select few really know

What it was like to party to early 90s Techno