Give me a fucking bag of chips
Add an inch to my fucking hips
I’m staying here no plans to scatter
Give me the fucking curry batter
Dip in the hot lake of fat
Don’t care if in it you have spat
Give me deep fried
Give me tasty
Give me a bright menu of shit
In case I am hasty

Drift easy
Let the dust settle
Keep your mind fit
And find a kind orbit

Let people in
Tell them how you feel
Enjoy relationships with other people
But keep a little bit for yourself

Didn’t see astronaut
Didn’t see my dreams in the courses sought
Didn’t see Kung-Fu master
Didn’t see the impending career disaster
Didn’t see techno DJ
Didn’t see the doorway to personal doomsday
Didn’t see the to and fro
Didn’t see commando
Didn’t see holding up the bar
Didn’t see rock n roll star
Didn’t see the people I’d meet
Didn’t expect to have had so much sand between my feet
Did see that experience and instinct would help me grow
Didn’t see fuck all on the CAO

Knowledge is a fucking beautiful thing
Knowledge is when and why the birds sing
Knowledge doesn’t weigh anything
Knowledge is the escape from prison
Knowledge is turning off the television
Knowledge is the recognition of the delusion
Knowledge is being not confused amongst much confusion
The most beautiful thing about knowledge that I know
Is that I can add to it
And carry it anywhere I go

The sheep of Inishturk
Are scared stiff of work
If work was in the bed
They would sleep out in the shed
They listen to electro
And a bit of 90’s techno
They laugh at the other island’s sheep
Who graze on vegetation on mountains steep
“Look at those stupid fuckers on Inishmhor!”
They have become humans onshore whore
Giving up lambs and the yearly fleece
While we smoke the herb and live in peace
As for the sheep of Inisheer
Those motherfuckers live in fear
Stupid sheep that suck ass
They don’t even know how to eat grass
We eat in a row and graze uphill

As for the Inishboffin island sheep community
We laugh at them at every opportunity
Assholes don’t even know how to dance
Those fuckers are still listening to Goa trance
But I suppose we are all sheep in the end
Differences are cool and the objective is to blend
Its all about compassion and teamwork
Yours sincerely,

OK that’s fine
That’s 100 per cent sound my friend
Carry on regardless
My ear for you I’ll always lend
I’ll give it a go
But I want you to know
I don’t know what I’m doing
Your company keeps me going
And one thing is for sure
For all this entails
Destiny brought us together
And fills both our sails

Pat : How are ya gettin on?
Joe : Grand, yourself?
Pat : Grand, sure ya know yourself?
Joe : True, hanging in there
Pat : You said it
Joe : Ah well
Pat : That’s the way it goes
Joe : It goes the other way too
Pat : Nail on the head
Joe : Ah sure
Pat : Sure what would ya be at?
Joe : Fair to middlin
Pat : Some man for one man
Joe : I’d complain but who’d listen?
Pat : Ive been down that road before
Joe : Tough station
Pat : I wont go into it
Joe : Sure isnt it great?
Pat : Savage craic
Joe : I never laughed so much
Pat : Broke the mold they did
Joe : Isnt it just fantastic?
Pat : Sure this is it!
Etc etc

A short prayer to Allah, Vishnu, Baby Jesus, David Icke and all the other known Gods.

Please all you almighty forces can we have a fucking amazing World Cup with a nice mixture of individual goals and team efforts.
Please can the new invisible spray add and not detract from the proceedings.
Please can the rioting and the political unrest not upset shit until after the final on July 13. The show must go on type prayer request.
Please give me the strength to fill in my World Cup fixtures and results chart after every match. I’m directing this one at you Baby Jesus cause he’s big in Ireland and this one’s important.
As always universe leaders and I know you get this one alot but can you please ensure England don’t make the quarter finals. I’m not an England basher. Let them do OK but I think you know what I’m talking about.

Amen